Short term goals.

人，活在世上，有时会迷失方向。
要靠家人和朋友的指点，才不至于“迷路”。
而我，有时会打一打自己的脑袋，
然后花一点时间想一想， 自己活在世上的意义所在。
有时，因为“钻牛角尖”，而忘记自己该做的事。

希望我不要再“迷路”了...

就算迷路了也不要紧，

最重要的是，可以照着自己的理想地图前进。

我们终究还是会到自己的目的地。 ：）

I gave a good thought to my short term goals, as in the goals I want to achieve in the next three to five years. I wish to travel more, I wish to practice Social Work, I wish to finish paying my study loan, etc.

Sometimes it's good to remind yourself of your goals in life, than to drift around in your own world hoping that someone will enlighten you. The most dependable person is still yourself, I think. P/S: If all else fails, knocking your own head will be a good option. :)

Lock it up (and chill it in a refrigerator?).

李邪《痛快到死》,摘要。

很多人害怕在感情上受伤, 于是选择中间线。没有大喜, 就不用担心大悲。这是一种自我保护,但同时也是一种失去。

快乐和痛苦是相对的分量。快乐越多，失去它时，所带来的痛苦也是同样体积。

人不能自私地只要快乐。整个配套不是这样的。问题是， 你怎么看待痛苦。如果能全身投入地享受快乐，为什么不能彻底地感受痛苦？

痛苦有这么可怕吗？

感情再大的痛苦，也可以是种残酷的快乐。

因为第一次那么清醒，感觉到心脏的位置，痛得感觉是什么。然后，在混乱中，看见真实的对方和自己。

人活着，能感受所有的快乐痛苦，是一种可贵的知觉。不要失去。

- Grief versus nothing, the Chinese version

Thanks to Julia who linked this post she posted 2 years back. It provided some food for thought but... locking up is still a good alternative (for me) to consider eh?

Huh.

I should be happy, but here I am stoning again, and worrying for other people. Aye. This is life. You don't just worry about yourself.

I wonder if I can go for a short holiday trip to either Hong Kong or Vietnam with mum... She is hoping that we can go to Japan by the end of year. I wonder how much I can earn by then... still have to pay the damn tuition fee. I really hope I can save enough for the 2010 Germany trip, aye.

Anyway, I'm trying to type an email to Herr Sagemann in German and it is killing me. I looked through my past seemingly lousily-written letters, and felt that they looked cheem. This is bad... :(

P/S: Herr Sagemann replied instantly! He didn't mention about himself or Frau Sagemann. He only mentioned that it's his son's birthday today, and that he's happy that I am satisfied with my life. This goes to show how parents usually concentrate on the young instead of themselves. Feel like flying all the way to Muenster and giving Herr and Frau Sagemann a bear-hug. :)

I MISS THEM!!!

@$#%&*

HOW MANY FREAKING TIMES MUST I SAY THAT I WANT TO SECURE A JOB BEFORE I GO ON HOLIDAYS? YOU THINK I HAVE A RICH DAD IS IT? THE FACT IS, I DON'T HAVE A RICH DAD, AND THAT IS WHY I DESPERATELY NEED A JOB. I NEED TO PAY THE STUPID FREAKING TUITION FEES ON MY OWN, AND I HAVE GOT A FAMILY TO SUPPORT! I AM NOT SOMEONE WHO SITS AROUND AND GOES FOR MANICURE OR PEDICURE.

Fishing for a rich guy.

I am sorry that I am still at this topic. Haha, but it just happen that different people told me the same stuffs on the same day, so I find it quite interesting.

I was ironing my clothes when my mum suddenly rambled about doctors' pay.
Me: Okay okay, I'll try to marry a doctor in the future okay?

Later over lunch, me and my friends somehow got to this topic again. I proposed marrying doctors, while irrational someone proposed marrying a prince (a minister's son or something like that).

I was then advised to hang around the Faculty of Medicine and CBD on alternate days so as to find my future (rich) spouse. Irrational someone suggested me throwing notes in the air, while I insisted on throwing handkerchiefs (much more economical) with my name sewn on them. You know, usually in dramas, girls lose their handkerchiefs and then the guys will keep them in their pockets and try their best to return them?

Wahahahahahahahahahaaaa, we are so funny.

Jack's Place with Benjamin and Rachel.

I'm currently rotting away at home, trying to brush the mouldy areas on my skin (extra hard) whenever I shower. As I told Benjamin, I've been entertaining myself by doing crossword puzzles at home, re-watching my favourite dramas, listening to my favourite music pieces, etc.

Trying my best to tame my mad hair.

I get to do what I want, but it's the feeling of being free that haunts me. I simply can't be free. I enjoy life being super busy and entertaining. I like to see my organizer filled up with events, because a tight schedule makes me feel perked up, happier, and most importantly, makes me feel that I am needed. Haha.

I am thankful to have all the well wishes from Benjamin, Rachel and my other friends who've been updated about my job search. Not long ago, I've just contributed to the unemployed population statistics, if I am not doing honours.

Let's talk about happier stuffs, I've just met up with Rachel and Benjamin for lunch at Jack's Place, which Benjamin proudly announced it as a popular spot for our parents to date back in the 1960s (not so sure). It was unexpectedly crowded, perhaps due to the timing (lunch time). It was great to catch up with Benjamin especially, since it was a long long time since we met and really sit down and chat. A pity that busy Joleen cannot join us.

The piece of land which used to have a big big fountain...

Anyway, we saw Mary's Place just behind Jack's Place...
Rachel: Is Mary a friend of Jack?
Wahahahahahahahahaaa...

As we chat, those old old memories of working together and poking fun at one another came back. The old Changi hospital and Changi barracks visits... jokes about hairstyles... the fact that the agency has got more females than males... :)

Thanks for the treat, Uncle Teo!

P/S: Urgh, forgot to take pictures of Benjamin and Rachel. Boo.

Sense of frustration, huh after examinations?

I finally understood how my mum has been feeling for the past few months. I am frustrated, angry, and sad at the same time. Been consulting people about what my next step should be. And I've decided already! Urgh.

And my creative juices have been activated recently (not again). I feel so like slapping myself in the face lah. My brain is so small and yet I still unknowingly waste my energy on stupid things like thinking stupid thoughts. I am so stupid. Aaron Beck, please help me.

If possible, I need Carl Rogers too, to show me some congruency, empathic understanding and unconditional positive regard.

Getting married.

Was telling my attached friends to invite me to their weddings in the future. To one of them who has the same age as me, I added unknowingly that she should not invite me if I were to be about 30 odd years old by the time she gets married, because I will feel very pressured to get married soon.

"But by that time, I also 30 odd years old what..."

. . .

Tensed.

I've been feeling very tensed up due to some personal issues. It was amazing how someone, I have known for only a short time, noticed by tensed emotions. I was like, hiding all my emotions behind spastic laughters.

I still can't quite sort out the issues myself, and yet I do not really want to talk about them already. So I just feel very stuck. I just want to relax, and shout if I can. Sigh.

Taken for granted?

I hope it's not true.

Some people say, "don't care about them lah." But like what mum said, it's easy to say this but difficult to carry this out. Furthermore, I am a highly emotional creature. Any small action of others can affect me a lot.

I am quite sick of the excuses that people come up with, because I myself, don't come up with stupid excuses and thus, am unable to accept people who come up with excuses. As time passes by, I cannot even accept the reasonable excuses by the usual people who gave stupid excuses. Sad to say that I actually feel this way.

The fire in me is going to be gone soon. (Or is it already gone?) So I do hope some kind being is willing to do something about it. It's okay if there's no such kind being, because this may only seem like a stupid request of mine.