Bread and butter #22 (STOP. Think. Do.)

We always have a tendency to say stop. think. do to others but do we practise what we preach? I think I don't do it all the time. Feel ashamed of myself many times already. I wonder when I'll really stop. think. do.

It's pretty tiring to do personal reflection on my own negative attributes. I know it's beneficial for the long run, but I think it's either I do it in the wrong way or I am an escapist by nature. I feel so so tired, psychologically and physically.

Been so tired recently...The level of tiredness just keeps accumulating...

Alright, Cindy needs to stop (and take in 3 deep breaths), think, then do.

Stop. think. do... Say no, say why, say what I want.

Julia: u'll grow up la...will ease into the job... somehow...or other..

Let's hope so.

Bread and butter #21 (Quote.)

Like the following paragraph that I got from here, because I can sort of relate to it:

...早上起来，镜子里的自己都在微笑。真的很开心，能够再一次和许许多多的朋友，一起欢笑、一起喊累、一起挥洒着汗水，共同创造这样一个奇妙空间。大家一起来吧！...

Bread and butter #20 (Groupwork Satisfaction.)

Tuesday's groupwork was a blast. I was super happy.

Wednesday's groupwork was not too bad too. The kids participated actively in the hide-and-seek game, albeit they did not really listen to the instructions I gave because they were too enthusiastic to start the game, haha. In addition, two kids who were rude to me last week were angels on Wednesday. ;) Although I did not do the processing for the hide-and-seek, I managed to carry out the group affirmation. They were doing very well until the end, because I neglected something. But nevermind, lesson learnt!

Furthermore, Thursday's groupwork was nice too. The Eating King Competition was a total frenzy, but the cognitive training and the sewing session were great and interestingly, peaceful. Yay. Seldom do I see the kids really keeping quiet and concentrating on their work. Since their conduct was really good, I promised to let them bring home the needles so that they can continue to sew at home.

When groupwork goes well, it's really satisfying. :)

*

The workshop today was an eye-opener. It's been quite a long time since I had any lectures, so it's rather tiring for me, given that I have been working straight from Monday till today without any morning offs. Working keeps me awake because I'm almost always on my feet. This week is going to be super siong for me because I am working straight from Monday till Sunday (without any morning off!!!).

Great motivation to stay awake: nice sushi and fruit tarts served during tea-break and meeting people I know like the school counsellor and Joleen.

P/S: When the speaker talked about creating sensation and wasabi, Joleen and me eyed each other, hahaha... (And that's because Joleen LOVE to put wasabi ALL OVER her sushi.)

Bread and butter #19

Pretty proud of my kids today. I consider them as a little normed to their group as most of them were so into the "secret group code". Furthermore, most of them were being cooperative and helpful when they were having the Build the Tallest Tower Competition.
The tower at the extreme right is done by my kids. I know that it can't be seen clearly from the photo, but it's the tallest!

I was so proud (still am), to the extent of praising them happily. And as the noise level was getting higher and higher, I thought I can tap on that and create a I-don't know-how-to-describe-but-it's-kind-of-like-trying-to-get-them-to-better-identify-with their-group atmosphere. And I led a group cheer. Deep inside my heart, I was praying very hard that they will follow suit and cheer together with me, because if they chose to ignore me, I'll be super malu-ated. (Eh, like last week? When I was trying to get my other kids enthusiastic about a game, I thought by standing up, they'll follow suit. But they didn't.)

So glad that today was an exception. I felt like a mini successful mum. :)

*

I am such a mess recently. Have loads of things which are supposed to be done but not done yet. Feel more horrible when I feel inferior, irritated and over-sensitive about many things- be it on the personal level or at the professional level. On a professional level, after talking to some people, I start to think whether my kids bring back what I give them. This is especially so if I am not so well-liked by my kids.

I don't wish to just be burned out so quickly lor. I want to prove a lot of people wrong, especially those who think social workers burn out easily. But it's not easy. I wonder how long I can sustain. At the same time, if I don't stay in this field, what else am I good at? Teach full-time tuition meh? Sigh. I don't think that's what I want.

I think I am pretty irritating too. If I stay forever negative, I wonder how much people (be it kids or friends) will enjoy hanging out with me. It's like an eternal struggle. I want so much to whine and whine endlessly but I wonder who'll be patient enough to just listen.

And I said that I must have more positive energy. Sigh. I wonder how...

I really want to go for a retreat with mum, but looking at my current bank account balance, I think I can't go anywhere this coming holidays. Plus, sickening tuition fees... Urgh. I am broke now despite earning a fixed salary every month. And I am going to stay broke for the next few months. SIAN.

*

Going to shop for a black jacket tomorrow, as I need to wear it on Friday. Formal occasion and big shots. I am more excited about seeing Joleen again. Okay, I am THAT shallow.

Don't poke me or I'll explode. (Now, that sounds familiar...)

Meet-up with Rachel and Joleen.

We've got so many things to catch up about... felt like the attachment days were just yesterday. These two girls have definitely made my attachment much more memorable. The chat over sushi was wonderful! Haa, seeing Joleen and Rachel attempting to gossip and making wild guesses was pretty hilarious too. :DOn top of that, we saw a ti-ko-peh who is only about 3 to 4 years old. He saw a pretty little girl sitting just behind Joleen, went forward to give her a hug (!!!) and exclaimed "WHAT A BEAUTIFUL GIRL!" in a super ti-ko-peh manner. Oh my godddd... And according to Rachel, he tried to kiss the poor little traumatized girl when he passed by her the second time (!!!).

Pretty glad to be able to meet up with them despite my tight schedule. Yeah...

Anderson Junior College Alumni Concert- The Reunion.

Months ago, I heard that there would be an Alumni Concert. Wasn't so particularly interested until Julia mentioned it again. Anyway, I've been a loyal supporter of AJCO, because my dear friends are or were in it. Hopefully, they've been loyal supporters of AJChoir too. It was and still is always nice to hear positive comments about each other, encouraging to receive jiayou messages before SYF competitions, and comforting when you know you're not the only one who had three or four CCA practices in a week... aww, those times... So torturous, and yet so heartwarming for me to recall.

So I made a decision to step into AJC again for an Alumni Concert in our dear auditorium, which was (and still is?) infamous for its er-hem sound system. But still, our dear auditorium brought back loads of memories. The slideshow, which showed the constructing of our dear school and the days we had as JC students, made me cry at the ending of the slideshow and during the first few minutes of the first performance by AJCO (Alumni).

Didn't think that I will be so emotional if I set foot into AJC once again. Going back there with my JC friends did help bring the memories back vividly. We were so excitedly recalling the JC days- the places where we had GP mass lectures, Economics mass lectures, History lectures, the torturous but super hilarious PE days, the lame jokes both teachers and students will make, etc.

Going to AJC during my JC2 days were rather troublesome as I moved. But it was kind of fun, because I get to go home together with the west-side people, study on the trains or even sleep (and drool) on the trains.

Anyway, the performance was great. I love the AJCO and the choir parts the most. The mass singing part was hilarious and sounded like 歌台. It gave me an overall fuzzy feeling- was super encouraging.

I don't think I want to stay 17 forever (like how many people will wish to), because only by growing can we realise the sweetness of the process of growth in life... I miss AJ life, and that makes me treasure what I have now even more.

*

The familiar stretch of road that we used to walk almost every morning...
I AM BACK!Miss singing the school song, sitting in study area and wearing my tie every Wednesday...Cramming days were very much missed by me too.Our yellow and blue canteen, where we loved to flock to after our PE lessons for grilled fish or chicken chop. Yums!Beautiful mural done by Visual Arts Club that I loved (and still love) to look at whenever I pass by.Julia and me, at one of our MPSHs, where we had PE lessons and danced those mass dances after our examinations. Bleargh.
The PE grounds which reminds me of "I CAN SEE MY NOSE!!!", Great Leap Forward and Sky Juice.
坚持到底 was my life motto when I was in JC...
The oh-so-familiar auditorium...Me, Julia, Weishang and Julia's CO friend, Huiping.
The performing groups were AJCO, Dance, Guitar Ensemble, CLDS and Choir. Didn't take any photos of the dancers because they kept moving, haha.Singing in a casual manner and singing in the formal choir way, that is in a semicircle. If I can ever give up my tuition, I will go back to the Alumni AJChoir. Miss singing in a semicircle so much!!!A noticeboard nicely decorated with photos taken at different times of various AJCO members. See the suona picture and the words "suona rox" in blue (in the centre)? It's drawn by Xiuqin a.k.a Julia! Haaa.And all she had on her mind was Lijia, Lijia, Lijia. -super big pout-


Here's some short videos I took of the various songs sang.

Si-gu-lem-pong.
(the evergreen song sang by almost every batch of AJChoir- at least for my batch and the earlier batches.)

The moon represents my heart.
(actual name is a mixture of English and Chinese words)

A nice English song.

往事只能回味。

要拼才会赢。

The lead singer for 要拼才会赢 is from AJCO Alumni. He's good, eh? :P

Chill-out with...

Sharon,Julia,and Weishang...
Sharon and me were supposed to take photos together with our graduation gowns, but Mr Weather was not being friendly with us, so we ended up chilling in a cafe in Esplanade. It was really great, because we were the only ones in the cafe and we managed to hog the sofa seat for at least 2 hours. It was so comfortable that Sharon and me almost dozed off. :)

It's not really wise to meet in the afternoon too. We were half-dead by then. Really really wish we can have a whole day off together such that we can take our own sweet time to take photos. So... we lugged our graduation gowns for nothing today.
Anyway, I didn't eat lunch before meeting Weishang, so she brought me to Soup Spoon, or is it Spoon Soup...? Hahaha. This is so familiar!!! Honey Mustard Chicken? Chicken Mustard Honey? Honey Chicken Mustard? Mustard Honey Chicken? (Wahahahahaaaa, only my beauties will understand this.) Anyway, the soup was really filling and it warmed up my poor little cold and hungry stomach.

Thanks Weishang for the sweet little pink pouch and welcome back to Singapore!

Bread and butter #18

It was pretty heartwarming to see my kids being normed to the groupwork structure. A few weeks back, I need to ask them to help me arrange the chairs to form a circle, but yesterday they arranged the chairs without me asking! I must say, I was pretty impressed. :)

Today, all of us (except the boss) are dressed in either blue or black, so I thought it will be cool to take some photos. But nobody remembered until Diana and Benjamin are gone while Peiyi already changed from black to yellow.
My two manly bodyguards. (Notice that the photo looks rather blur.) Trying very hard to be funky. Meng ah Meng, you seriously need to improve your photo-taking skills. Alright, I have some other friends who are bad at photo-taking too. I'll offer lessons okay. How about ten bucks for an hour of enriching photo-taking lesson? Teeheehee.

The nonverbal way of saying "we care".

Bought my brother a Parker pen to affirm him. He's one of the biggest woodblock of the world, but he's one of the few woodblocks who is actively trying to improve himself. Whenever I look back at the little note he wrote for him before my A levels, I will tear. It always remind me that someone cares.I used to not have menstrual cramps every month, but recently I have cramps EVERY month. This is rather worrying because I always think that it's very important for women to stay healthy, especially when they're exposed to undesirable elements like the bloody periods.

My point is, I was complaining that my body is growing weaker (because I'm starting to have cramps every month) two days ago, and when I returned home yesterday, I saw this box on my table. Awwwww...

Bread and butter #17

Some random photos I took at work so far...Theresa's sexy bikini, Seng Meng's ears turning red, my kids' frog cards, Benjamin fooling around with the bikini, Benjamin's "Welcome Back" sign, and my preparation work for groupwork tomorrow afternoon. It's sort of like Deal or No Deal. Just that it is more simplified, has questions asked with a purpose, and looks much more cheap. I don't care whether it looks cheap or high-class, as long as the kids are attracted to the concept.

Botak Jones with Jane.

Had Botak Jones with Jane. Not super marvelous but the serving was pretty generous, and most importantly, it's within budget.Jane took so many photos of me, but we did not take any photos together. :S

An idea sprouted out from my pea-brain while I was having those bloody cramps...

If men can get a slightly higher pay for their National Service, why can't women get a higher pay for being able to withstand the undesirable monthly affair while working?

Meetup with SW pals.

I hope to make this a monthly affair, so that when we need to talk about SW concerns, we can always raise them up when we meet.

Sadly, the other most common issue we always bring up as fresh graduates is the lack of money, which is largly due to the stupid study loan.

But since we've all gotten ourselves jobs, let's work real hard and pay off the loans as soon as possible!

Merry-go-round.

Sometimes I really wonder about the accuracy of women's sixth sense. I think women can be pretty smart at guessing things at times, but I am really not sure... because women tend to be more sensitive (than the usual woodblocks), and like how I have written a number of times in my kids' notebooks, being over-sensitive might not be really good if it makes you think TOO MUCH.

I guess for now, I will never know the correct answer just like donkey years ago. I might go for multiple merry-go-round rides without knowing the answer for years or forever. Hopefully, I will gain something out of the merry-go-round rides, say wisdom or a higher level of happiness. If all I can get is a chronic headache, I might as well die on the spot.

Bread and butter #16

Here's more photos, I got from my colleagues, taken on Volunteers' Connection.

Me, Theresa and Puay San.We're supposed to be posing with our fingers indicating ascending order.
Looks like Seng Meng is allergic to me, hahaha.
More group photos.Isn't our King fortunate to have so many ladies around him?***

Second session of Reading Stars (without Diana).

I couldn't think of any simple ice-breaker, but thanks to Kelly, I decided to use "Blow wind blow". The kids don't seem too enthusiastic about the game, but fortunately, my enthusiasm got them going. And to have a good level of enthusiasm I need to have enough sleep.

There was no baking today, but the area became a mess due to the chocolate and colourful rice. Thankfully, some volunteers helped me to sweep and mop the floor. A kid whom I thought was pretty attitude helped me out with clearing the tables and distributing materials for preparing the food. Wonderful boy!!! :D

Everyone thought I am okay. I definitely hope I am really okay. I'm just unsure of many things- when to do what, whether something is done in the right way, whether to carry on with the baking, what to let the kids take home with (what lessons I want them to learn), what the kids would love to do, etc.

Also, I have to constantly remind myself to be enthusiastic or else the programme will seem boring, to keep affirming the kids so that good behaviour is encouraged, to make sure that everyone is engaged, and to network well with the volunteers, etc.

Oh well, I will have to take baby steps first...

***

I want a retreat! But I don't have much money to spare. Anyone wants to go for a massage for something, please call me along okay.

Traditional Chinese meal with Beauties cum Xinli's birthday.

The princess overslept, and we had to wait for her to wake and dress up. Oh my god... Since we promised to eat a traditional Chinese meal together, "steamboat" immediately came to my mind. It was timely too, because Xinli and Ying Fong just came back to Singapore from Germany a few days ago. So the steamboat served as a reunion meal?
We made the soup choice first as Elayne was still on her way, and we regretted for choosing the medium hot 麻辣 soup. It practically killed all of us. And my lips looked like red sausages, I think. In the end, the 麻辣 side became a rubbish chute where we throw unwanted stuffs into.When my dear Elayne finally came, she refused to take a proper photo with me.All she did was to eat 4 pieces of crab and teach us how to act cute.The shop was supposed to close at 3.30pm, but we ordered quite a number of dishes and stayed till 3.45pm. It's only fair and logical that we stay longer because we arrived late.Trying out a special photo-taking mode on Ying Fong's camera.
I ate till I couldn't feel that I was full. Seriously, I think I might have a hole in my stomach.Ying Fong, Xinli and shy Elayne.Long time no see, Xinli and me.And the girls tried the manual 三连拍.

I realised I could not react fast enough for Ying Fong's camera......and that resulted in me having the similar pose in different pictures.But it's still a lot of fun playing around with the camera!Then we had coffee and donuts- sinful high tea right after the buffet steamboat.

One of the donuts is supposed to act as the birthday cake. Didn't know Elayne hate bread so much. :(

I kept wanting to take a picture with the cute little snail but YF just won't let me do it. Auch ein boese Maedchen! Look at the way she's laughing...
Beauties trying very hard to persuade Ying Fong to not play with the lighter. Muahahahaha~

GROUP PHOTOS! It's been ages since we last took group photos! Although I looked kind of ugly, still want to post them up because my beauties looked pretty in them.
Me and Ying Fong were wondering why we were the ones who had to hold the camera.

Anyway, the lunch was great! Thanks for the company... and to Xinli,

Viel Glueck zum Geburtstag, boese Maedchen! (Du wirst nicht allein sein...)