Bread and butter #19

Pretty proud of my kids today. I consider them as a little normed to their group as most of them were so into the "secret group code". Furthermore, most of them were being cooperative and helpful when they were having the Build the Tallest Tower Competition.
The tower at the extreme right is done by my kids. I know that it can't be seen clearly from the photo, but it's the tallest!

I was so proud (still am), to the extent of praising them happily. And as the noise level was getting higher and higher, I thought I can tap on that and create a I-don't know-how-to-describe-but-it's-kind-of-like-trying-to-get-them-to-better-identify-with their-group atmosphere. And I led a group cheer. Deep inside my heart, I was praying very hard that they will follow suit and cheer together with me, because if they chose to ignore me, I'll be super malu-ated. (Eh, like last week? When I was trying to get my other kids enthusiastic about a game, I thought by standing up, they'll follow suit. But they didn't.)

So glad that today was an exception. I felt like a mini successful mum. :)

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I am such a mess recently. Have loads of things which are supposed to be done but not done yet. Feel more horrible when I feel inferior, irritated and over-sensitive about many things- be it on the personal level or at the professional level. On a professional level, after talking to some people, I start to think whether my kids bring back what I give them. This is especially so if I am not so well-liked by my kids.

I don't wish to just be burned out so quickly lor. I want to prove a lot of people wrong, especially those who think social workers burn out easily. But it's not easy. I wonder how long I can sustain. At the same time, if I don't stay in this field, what else am I good at? Teach full-time tuition meh? Sigh. I don't think that's what I want.

I think I am pretty irritating too. If I stay forever negative, I wonder how much people (be it kids or friends) will enjoy hanging out with me. It's like an eternal struggle. I want so much to whine and whine endlessly but I wonder who'll be patient enough to just listen.

And I said that I must have more positive energy. Sigh. I wonder how...

I really want to go for a retreat with mum, but looking at my current bank account balance, I think I can't go anywhere this coming holidays. Plus, sickening tuition fees... Urgh. I am broke now despite earning a fixed salary every month. And I am going to stay broke for the next few months. SIAN.

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Going to shop for a black jacket tomorrow, as I need to wear it on Friday. Formal occasion and big shots. I am more excited about seeing Joleen again. Okay, I am THAT shallow.

Don't poke me or I'll explode. (Now, that sounds familiar...)