Little stones along the way.

I was explaining the trip to Macritchie during my attachment and I got a very disapproving attitude from my uncle. It's like explaining it to some of my friends. I don't expect people to understand what I do, but I do hope that people could show some respect and support to what I do. Even if you think it's silly or stupid or dangerous, it's something that I have done and have done for the sake of the youths, for the sake of overcoming my fear, for the sake of something.

I know my family is concerned of me but they always put across their concern in a funny way. Usually I'll end up being accused as the weird being who finds trouble for herself. Then they'll go, "See la! I told you so!" And all I can do is throw my hands in the air and utter "You win lor!" softly.

What I am hoping is to see that people accept what I am doing and perhaps provide some form of support, be it a smile, a hug, a gift, a compliment. I don't enjoy it when people give me disapproving looks. One of my friends gave me a "THIS IS WHAT YOU DID?!" look and it totally turned me off.

Understanding and support, is of course, difficult to achieve.

Never mind.

(By the way, my uncle is worried that there'll be bad guys hanging around in Macritchie. This thought made me shudder a little. I do not discount the possibility of bad guys hanging around there in the middle of the night. But, the way it was put across just makes me feel uncomfortable.)

Decision-making.

I just made a very small decision and it has made my heart ache so much because I was really put into a very difficult situation. :( :( :(

If the situation allows, I'll pout for the next three months. I hate it!

I want to love myself.

Sometimes no matter how hard I try, I'll always be put down.
No matter how much improvement I made, it's always not recognized.
In the past, I always fight back.
But now, I feel that there's no point in fighting back.
Fighting back will result in a lose-lose situation, which I have experienced several times.
I am tired of arguing and quarrelling. It's a waste of my time, effort and tears.
Now, I want to lead my life in my own way.
No matter how hard people try to put me down,
I'll take it easy. I'll not cry. I'll stay strong. I'll never give up being me.
I am proud to be me and I'll always be.

I am back!

I enjoyed my Taiwan trip very much. I will re-visit it again once I run out of things to wear! Hahahahahahaaa.. Anyone game to go with me again?? I haven't go to the 24 hours bookshop. That's my only biggest regret. :(

I will update about the trip much later as I am pretty occupied with unpacking my stuff. Now I don't know where to put my four new pairs of shoes, a big funky bag, and some new clothes. I want a bigger closet!

Meanwhile, I am busy bidding for my modules. I don't really want school to start. I am looking forward to more Social Work experience though.

Relieved!

Headed school again to hand in my SW3103 term paper.

Phew.May the passion never dies.

I met Paul in Health and Wellness Centre! Haa! I got to know him when I was in AJChoir. He's of the same age as me but he's my junior in school. Well, he's a Filipino? I forgot his nationality. Anyway, I was pleasantly surprised to see him! I remembered the last time I saw him was when I went back to school to collect my A level results. He offered his hand to me and wished me good luck! The main point is, I felt like an old woman when I was talking with him. Gawd.

*pouts*

Bahahahahahahaaa...

I want to buy a pair of happening sunglasses! :P


OOo, I am heading Taiwan tomorrow afternoon. No souvenirs guaranteed.

Unbelievably Flexible.

I bounced back within an hour! Must be the positive energy that I got from SCS. HA-HA-HA-HA!!

I didn't want to lose my positive mood for the past few days/weeks. Thus, i arranged some photos I took during my attachment into a collage and felt so much better. Collage-making therapy. I shall be the founder of this new method of therapy. Heh!

所谓的烂好心...

For a moment, I hope to be all alone, to have no friends at all, to squat down and wail (like the morning after night hike).

The feeling...

It’s like a big fat rock which stays in your way and when you say, “Please, would you please move away a little so that I can cross the road?”, it will say, “Lick my foot (imagine that the stupid rock has feet) and I will let you cross.” You will just feel like having a gigantic hammer to smash the stupid rock.

Great. I entertain myself very well.

Adorable cartoon drawn by Jane!

My dear, you can be a great cartoonist! :D

Hon Sui Sen Memorial Library Visit.

After being an NUS student for two whole years, I have not visited every corner of NUS yet. This is not surprising at all because we are busy undergraduates who have to study for our As. Duh.

Anyway, I find the HSSM Library very unfamiliar. It is big and grand on the outside but cold and empty inside.

(The only thing that I like about the library is this red and comfortable couch.)

To support my own stand, that HSSM Library is cold and empty, I have taken a video to show how my footsteps sounded like on the stairs. It's like those of scary movies. *shivers*

This kind of atmosphere is not only reflected by the environment. It is also reflected in the librarian's tone of voice and attitude. It's like 死气沉沉. Maybe they should add a refreshment area and a sandwich machine, like FASS. Hah!

Anyway, what for did I go back to school today? On such a lazy Saturday somemore! I went to school for THIS book!

Such an art-sy book found in HSSM Library. I cannot believe it.

I also cannot believe that I went all the way to HSSM Library just for this book. Am I crazy or what?!

Window-shop to satisfy the shopping-buds.

While surfing the net, I found this and loads of pretty girly clothings.

Hmm, this looks much better than my stupid white dress which is made of a lousy material and costed $49.90. I regretted buying it because it makes me look pregnant. :(

Ahhh! And when I can't buy it, I'll imagine myself wearing it.Oh, I look wonderful! :D

Back to frying of brains for essay!

(I am left with theoretical discussion, experiential learning and references. Yippie!)

Tagged by dearie Rebecca.

Rule 1: List 5 weird or random things about myself.

1. I cry a lot, till my eyes get swollen. Tremandy insists that I cried fi-li-feh-leh (buckets?).

2. I can get really sweet when people are nice to me. *clears throat*

3. I will knit a scarf secretly for my future boyfriend.
(HAA! SURPRISED RIGHT! I KNOW HOW TO KNIT!!!)

4. I hope that I do not have to depend on tuition for extra income in the future. It is driving me nuts sometimes. I have not been practising Maths for quite a long time and I totally forgot what I've learned in the past. I HATE MATHS! :(

5. I hate Sciences, I hate Maths and I hate a lot of things.


Dear Rebecca, hope you're doing fine in New Zealand. When are you coming back? :S

Back in SCS as a volunteer...

Early in the morning, I went back to school to hand in the forms for attachment.

I see totally FRESH faces in school! Fresh faces means they look like freshies. They got this blur look on their face! Haa! I admit I was blur when I was a freshie. And I saw some guys wearing totally out-of-fashion clothes which made me cringe a little. Their way of dressing is so interesting. Anyway the school was so quiet and I felt that I don't really miss school at all because I was probably feeling miserable from all the essay-typing. Bleah.

I went back to SCS for NTSS groupwork. These are cards made by me and Diana for our group.

I thought of a very not cool tagline. Hehehe. I rulez, We rulez, Our Rulez!

(I am very tickled by myself. Muahahahahahahaa~)

I was so worried that I look tired in front of the students. Gosh I need more sleep. I am worried that they don't like me as well. Sigh. But hopefully like what I said about the fruits of work, I get to see the fruits some day. I love the debriefs though. They really made me reflect on myself and how I view things- the youths especially.

I really really feel unwilling to let go of the youths in GP especially. It feels like constipation. I started off with them and have to let go halfway through because I am not a staff there. I can still see the risk factors and I am very worried. Yet, I don't know how constructively I can help them. The only constructive help I can give them is my concern and listening ear I guess.

Anyway, thank you Tremandy for listening to me for one whole hour. I didn't really think that I was learning how to fly when I just got to know how to walk. I think I am just impatient or over-worried. Thank you so much! :D

I'll try to enjoy the strolls.

Suddenly Muenster...

I think I heard the german public bus bell.

I miss Muenster!! :(

I hate doing term papers!

I hate doing term papers! I hate doing term papers! I hate doing term papers!
I hate doing term papers! I hate doing term papers! I hate doing term papers!
I hate doing term papers! I hate doing term papers! I hate doing term papers!
I hate doing term papers! I hate doing term papers! I hate doing term papers!
I hate doing term papers! I hate doing term papers! I hate doing term papers!
I hate doing term papers! I hate doing term papers! I hate doing term papers!
I hate doing term papers! I hate doing term papers! I hate doing term papers!
I hate doing term papers! I hate doing term papers! I hate doing term papers!
I hate doing term papers! I hate doing term papers! I hate doing term papers!
I hate doing term papers! I hate doing term papers! I hate doing term papers!
I hate doing term papers! I hate doing term papers! I hate doing term papers!
I hate doing term papers! I hate doing term papers! I hate doing term papers!
I hate doing term papers! I hate doing term papers! I hate doing term papers!

Why?

because a youth scooped food for me.
because a youth fed me rambutan. Haha.
because the youths thank you for doing things for them.

because the youths are willing to share their experiences.
because a boy remembers my name after only one session.
because a youth started to wonder what is maturity all about.

because a boy came forward and said thank you to me before leaving.
because I get to see the different sides of the seemingly hopeless youths.
because an act-cool youth actually wrote "184 一家人" to stand for "一辈子一家人" on a handmade photoframe.

because I am not going to give up...
because I have learned to see things in various perspectives...
because I believe that I will grow from the falling-downs and keep-tryings...

because the labour is going to be tough and yet the fruits of my labour is going to be oh so sweet.

because this list is just going to grow longer and longer...
.
.

That is why I choose Social Work.

The Multiple Roles of a Social Worker.

(The following post might cause some form of discomfort. Please DO NOT proceed if you have a weak heart. Everything's meant to be light-hearted. No offence but I still love Social Work.)

The conventional roles of a Social Worker are...

Enabler,
Broker,
Advocate,
Activist,
Educator...

However, Social Workers today are expected to perform more than these. They can be...
Fire-pit setter,

Cooker/BBQer,

Cake cutter,

Flower-keeper,Joker,Discusser, Artist,

Encourager,
Story-maker,
Affirmer,

The Multiple Roles of a Social Worker. (Part 2)

Daddy,
To-be-dunked-er,Tea or Coffee-maker,Actor,Promoter,
Tailor or seamstress,
Referee,
Gamer,
Isn't Social Work an all-encompassing job? Heh.

My official last working day in SCS for attachment..

The Place

The signboard of our agency.

The entrance, which I use everyday.The hallway. (with our umbrellas decorating it. Hee.)

The counter.The photostating and printing corner. The whiteboard.The PIGGING corner a.k.a the Library.

I remember when I first came, Puay San mentioned that they have a library. So I was expecting a room with books. Duh! Little did I expect this is the library!

Anyway, one thing I like a lot about SCS is the cute names for the rooms. :DOops. Forgot about Spring. Perhaps it's because I've never used it before. The only time I used it was to kapo its chairs over to Harvest for SMP Briefing. Haa!

This is the meeting room. At the beginning of my attachment, when a staff mentioned, "meet at Harvest", I started to freak out (because I have a bad sense of direction and recognition) and my eyes started to wander around and I started to mumble, "Great! Now where the hell is Harvest? What is Harvest? Is it a field?!"

Anyone could have grabbed a cactus from any desk and smash it on my head and scream, "You kuku! It's a meeting room!"

The Social Work Department.

My nomadic workstation shared with Rachel. I felt uncomfortable sitting right next to her and ended up wandering around or sitting at the common computer desk.My neighbour's desk!
The total number of photos that I took of the office is much more than these! Haha! I'll need to look at them when I start to miss the place. :)