Career Crisis.

I've been having this career crisis since I started my undergraduate years. Jane has also been reminding me that I should visit the career guidance thingy provided in NUS. We sort of decided to go together (to support each other) next semester. Meanwhile, I am still struggling to try to sort things out for myself.

For the past few months, I have decided that I can foresee myself working in the Social Work field till I grow old. I think I have repeated the above phrase for many many times to different people already but sorry, I have to repeat it.

But then again, I have to settle financial matters first. I have house loan to pay, study loan to pay, own expenses to pay, etc. Perhaps I can leave my own expenses aside for some months but house loan and study loan can't wait!

By the time I state these pointers out, people would have said "Who ask you to work in VWOs? You can always work in MCYS where you get more money!" or "Don't you have two brothers?"

I understand the above two points very much but sad to say, I would enjoy more hands-on intervention. (Right now, I am still not sure if MCYS Social Workers get to do hands-on stuff. I will try to check out from my colleagues.) And, one of my brother is still schooling. The other is married and has a lot of commitments himself.

So, I thought of being an air-stewardess, earn some *ka-ching* and get to fly all over the world. I've always dream of travelling around the world. People then start to say " Air-stewardess?? Later you become very materialistic one!" or "Huh? You got the standard to be air-stewardess meh?"

Not everyone is materialistic and will become materialistic. As I've stated earlier, my most branded stuff is my Giodano jeans/ Converse tees and bags.

And blah, I know I don't really have that kind of elegant air in me but that's not very comforting ah, thank you. I also start to wonder if I will actually enjoy being an air-stewardess. I just can't be sure.

Anyway, despite all the suan-ings and all, I've decided to go apply for air-stewardess in most probably, SIA. I also told myself that I must have a back-up plan just in case I'm not qualified to become an air-stewardess. But, I've no back-up plan yet.

After my air-stewardess job for around 3 to 4 years, hopefully, I would have earned enough money to buy a proper housing or pay off my loans. By then, I can really settle down to be a Social Worker in a VWO because I would have no financial worries. The only problem I can foresee is the drop in living standards but I think I can do it since I grow up in such an environment.

Overall, the plan I came up with a few months ago is:

Air-stewardess for 3 to 4 years-----> Social Worker till I grow old

Since yesterday, I have been thinking if I should have a change in plans.

My colleague, Tremandy said that if I were to leave the Social Work field for a few years, a lot of things would have changed and I might have difficulty catching up. I have thought of that but I didn't felt that it was so much of a problem. It was only when she pointed out a real life example that I realised the possible danger of me feeling lost if I were to have a few years break from this field.

Today, two new colleagues arrived in SCS Clementi. One of them was my senior SW major classmate. Suddenly, I felt so envious of them because they can get to do all the fun things that I did throughout my attachment. I suddenly felt a little sad because I am going to leave the agency in a few weeks time. I've asked them why they chose to join a VWO and both of them said they would like hands-on rather than policy-planning. Money do not seem to be a big problem to them. One of them even gave me a shocked face when I said I have to help pay house loan.

Now I am wondering how much a Social Worker earns in a VWO but I don't dare to ask any of my colleagues because it is a sensitive issue. At least I think so.

So I start to think on my way back home. If I can only earn $1600 per month, will I survive? I asked my mum if it is enough. She gave me a very duh face and said "OF COURSE NOT ENOUGH LA!".

"But what if I really really want to be a Social Worker?"
This, I didn't tell my mum. I think she might really feel that I am mad.

I think, think, and think. If I take four tuition kids, earning $150 from each kid, I will have an extra $600 per month. In total, $2200! I will put two kids on Saturday and another two kids on Sunday. If I happen to have Family Day or any other activities, I will lump my tuition sessions together. Every day will be occupied and I seem to have no life. But anyway, if I am not working, I would have slept at home anyway lor. So I might as well go and earn some money.

So, I am considering my second option now. I want to talk about this with a career counsellor in school or with my supervisor.

I feel that Social Work has made me think so much more than before. It's definitely a mistake if I stop practising in this field.

*deep thinking once more*

Valentines' Day in advance! :)

No la. The flowers were actually bought by the youths for their parents. Oh so sweet!!!!! If my child ever buys me flowers, I would be so so so happy! The youths said that they chose the flowers themselves. The red ones were chosen by a girl who claimed that the red ones look fresh and nice. On the other hand, the colourful ones were chosen by a guy who claims that its colourful and creative. Haha! They're so cute can?

I am so tired from GP Family Day!Anyway, one of my colleague is going to leave SCS soon. Probably next Monday's post will be totally on him. Heh.

I FINISHED MY VIDEO!!!! WOO-HOO!!

But I watched it so many times! I was numbed to Seng Meng's "Go! Go!" and all the encouragement. Heh. Anyway, all because I am numb to all the slides, I am so not sure if it's interesting enough. Gahhhhh. I hope that I will receive positive feedback tomorrow. PLEASE~!!!I spent three days on it lehhhhhh. *pouts*

I finally gave the affirmation notes (postcards) to my youths. They looked pleasantly surprised to receive something from me. YEAH~!!! I thought they would give me the god-she's-going-to-nag-again look but they didn't!! :)

As expected, my tears flowed like no one's business during Parents and Teens Groupwork. I could understand some of the situations because I was once in that kind of situations before, be it shouting at mother or having unreasonable requests. Whenever I talk about family relationships, my tears just flow so naturally and I start to choke and will be unable to speak properly. I felt touched hearing the positive words coming out of the parents' mouth because that's what I always wanted when I was young. And a few years back, I felt like the youths: Don't feel appreciated all because our parents didn't give positive affirmation. I still feel this way sometimes but I was able to tell myself that it's okay and I know that my mother expresses her love in a special way, just not in terms of "words of affirmation".

Social workers can cry right? We're human beings afterall. If we can't cry, then wouldn't we be better off as robots? I felt a little guilty for showing my nua side to the parents but it's just part of my life experience which was not a long time ago.

I did something wrong today. Sigh. But I have to keep reminding myself that I try to improve everyday. So, don't focus on the black dot. I try to encourage other people but ended up having to psycho myself too. Haiz.

Nice sweater...

how nice is your "nice"??

Video-making. Maggi Prata. Wildflowers. Affirmation.

Today's totally crap! My slippers broke! :(I tied it together with two rubber bands. P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C!

Other than lessons learnt and credits, I've finished almost the whole video! Wee-hoo!! I am so proud of myself!! I spent 2 and a half days doing it lor! The songs I chose for the various parts of Groupwork were quite suitable for the specific themes. (At least, I think so.) And most importantly, I've surpassed Benjamin in my video-making skills. *smirk*

It was quite a fortune to have Benjamin around because the office was so quiet! There were only me and Chris in the whole morning. We went out to have prata. We tried Maggi Prata together. Haha. This reminds me that I owe someone $$$.

Someone taught the bear to smoke in office.

I met up with my darling Wildflowers in the evening today too!

I've just finished writing my affirmation notes. Phew. Tomorrow will be a great day!

P/S: Notice that I've added Journey's lyrics at the side? The lyrics are meaningful and I used this song for a specific part of my Groupwork Family Day Video to express the possible feelings that the youths have after the 8 sessions.

陀枪师姐!!!

OOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo..... MY FAVOURITE HONGKONG DRAMA!! I WATCHED EVERY EPISODE OF EVERY SERIES AND IT'S THE FOURTH SERIES ALREADY! EVEN THOUGH I WATCHED IT A YEAR AGO DURING CNY, I'LL STILL WATCH IT EVERY 10PM ON WEEKDAYS!! WEE-HOO!!

Haiz.

Originally I had no need to call up parents or receive parents' calls during my attachment but...

WOW. I had two phone calls with two parents in a row today. When talking to them, I could feel that my heart beats faster and I seemed to be tongue-tied. It's not easy.

An simple affair.

I took 2 hours PM off for him and he had the thought of going out for dinner without me. He is a total tootz. Anyway, we didn't eat anything lavish, only made an effort to eat together. I bought a blackforest cake for him. That tootz asked why the cakes we buy are getting cheaper and cheaper. Firstly, we bought Swenson's icecream cake for Xinyi, then now, Bengawan Solo for the tootz.

Cannot ah? Cannot don't eat la. Troublesome. :P

Happy Birthday! Viel Glueck zum Geburtstag! :)

Love, Cindy

OEI?!

I was doing up a video presentation for our GP Family Day when I suddenly found a damn corny picture of me. Thanks ah, whoever who took this! Duh.

Anyway, I think I gave that oei look because my gun keeps having problems with shooting and I have to go out twice to ask the attendant what happened to my gun. I think I know who took this...... *fire in the eyes*

I also found a stupid photo of me who just finished Solo Walk.

See how traumatised I look?

And lastly, this picture which captured my aunty nature very well. Free pens from Police Talk. Muahahahahahahahaaaa~

***

I am in a good mood today. Somebody prepared a bowl-ful of food for me.

What a sweet boy!!! :D

And yet, another challenge for me..

"cos i think my eagerness to "guide" them might sort of endanger myself into crossing the border..."

I have this thing about...

people who talk too much.

Having an easily provokable personality, I get angry or irritated easily. Sometimes my mind is in a whole big mess such that I really feel like shutting myself down. Yes, in a total SHUT DOWN mode.

I remember during JC, I met this girl who was damn talkative that I feel like throwing an apple down her throat so that she can hopefully stop talking and give me some peace. I ate lunch with her one day in school and I feel like dying. School is already suffocating me and having a person rambling into my ear was not very helpful to my emotions. From that day onwards, I avoided her totally.

I do not mean that I am not talkative. I admit that there are times when I get very chatty. For your information, I was nicknamed chatterbox when I was in Primary School. But I know when to stop. When people give me the oh-will-you-please-shut-up look, I'll just shut up. I don't force people to listen to me.

Perhaps it's my family culture which forced me to be like that. My mum hates people who are talkative too.

Of course, if you talk constructively, it's pretty okay with me. But if you keep rambling and rambling on, I will get irritated. If conditions allow, I will walk away because I want to keep my ears away from all the jargon and rubbish that anyone wants to throw to me.

Please do not take your listeners for granted.

Magic Room by 183 Club.

This song is from the OST of 爱情魔发师, another idol-drama starring 183 Club. I think the tune of this song kind of fit the theme of the drama, and I have to admit that I like this song. I tried watching the drama on youtube but I think the clips are illegal, thus removed. I watched half-way!! Gahhhhhhh...

Long Meme!

This is great to keep me occupied. Heh.

1) How old do you wish you were?

7 years old, because I'd always be protected by both of my brothers and my mother. I still remember how tightly my eldest brother held on to me when we were on the slides and how my second elder brother comforted me when I cried during Assembly because I had phobia for school.

2) Where were you when 9/11 happened?

I forgot. I only remembered what happened the next morning. Everyone was reading newspaper during assembly because everyone wants to know more about what happened. Everyone except me.

3) What do you do when vending machines steal your money?

I will try to kick the machine. If kicking doesn't help, I would walk away cursing the machine for at least half a day.

4) Do you consider yourself kind?

I am indeed a kind person in nature. But on the surface, I am always mean. In fact, if I am mean to you, I am actually trying to say that I like you. So, this explains all the suan-ing and beatings you all get from me.

5) If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?

My arm, you know, just like the tattoo on Jolin. I thought it looks quite cool.

6) If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?

German. Another language which I am totally in love with now. Next up would be Korean or Japanese.

7) Do you know your neighbours?

No. Ex-neighbours in Yew Tee, yes. There's this aunty who always cook nice nice food for us.

8) What do you consider a vacation?

An at-least-a-week-long getaway to anywhere except Singapore.

9) Do you follow your horoscope?

No. I used to follow it when I was in secondary school. Later on, I had this belief that I am going to be the one in charge of my life and horoscope won't help or affect me at all. The only person that is going to affect me is ME.

10) Would you move for the person you loved?

Since it's lovED, no.

11) Are you touchy?

I love hugs but I am not touchy to the extreme.

12) Do you believe that opposites attract?

I believe but I have to admit that this does not always happen.

13) Dream job?

Air Stewardess or Social Worker.

14) Favorite channel(s)?

No favourite.

15) Favorite place to go on weekends?

Home/ Bugis/ Chinatown.

16) Showers or Baths?

Showers. I got no bath tubs at home, duh.

17) Do you paint your nails?

No. It takes too long a time and too much an effort. In addition, going for manicures are not practical at all because I am not a tai tai who stays at home and do nothing.

18) Do you trust people easily?

No.

19) What are your phobias?

The unknown, dark, loneliness, cockroaches. (I am especially aware of these since my SW attachment started.)

20) Do you want kids?
Yes, in the past. No, for now.

21) Do you keep a handwritten journal?

Yes, I have 9 so far. I have started writing in my diary since Primary 6.

22) Where would you rather be right now?

Strolling around aimlessly in the streets of Muenster or visiting the Sagemanns.

23) Who makes you feel warm and fuzzy?

Guys who are very thoughtful but do not show it in an outright manner.

24) Heavy or light sleeper?

Heavy.

25) Are you paranoid?

Yes, I am very paranoid. But I am trying to be less paranoid nowadays.

26) Are you impatient?

Yes.

27) Who can you relate to?

I relate different things to different people. They are either my mum or some close friends.

28) How do you feel about interracial couples?

Cool. Their babies will be very cute looking. But will they be accepted by their parents and relatives?

29) Have you been burned by love?

Yes.

30) What’s your favorite pick-up line?

I have no idea. Any effort to get to know someone requires a lot of courage. As long as that person is sincere, any kind of pick-up line is good enough.

31) What’s your main ring tone on your mobile?

Snow, some ring tone which is already provided in the mobile.

32) What were you doing at midnight last night?

Trudging in Macritchie. Gahhhh, I am so T-I-R-E-D!!

33) What did the last text on your cellphone say?

"Mad ah... hiyo.. haha reach home also so funny ah? Siao char bor.. heh okie good good go have a good rest.. 3rd person to reach home. Nite nite!"

34) Whose bed did you sleep in last night?

Mine.

35) What color shirt are you wearing?

Off-White. It's an old tee.

36) Most recent movie you watched?

Da Vinci Code together with Yujie.

37.) Name three things you have on you at all times?

Like Joan, visual aid (spectacles/ contacts), clothes and underwear.

38.) What color are your bed sheets?
Colourful.

39) How much cash do you have on you right now?

$100?

40) What is your favorite part of the chicken?

The fleshy and juicy drumstick!!

41) What’s your favorite town/city?

Singapore? I feel safe and at home here.

42) I can’t wait till:

I get married. I have already thought of what I want to do for my honeymoon. Heh.

43) What did you have for dinner last night?

Home-cooked dinner.

44) How tall are you barefoot?

1.68m

45) Do you own a gun?

No. Siao, I would get caught for having one.

48) What do you prefer to drink in the morning?

Coffee or tea.

49) What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
I doubt I have a secret weapon.

50) Where do you think you’ll be in 10 years?

I would be in a Social Work agency, I think.

51) Last thing you ate?

Pineapple tart bought by brother in Taiwan.

52) What songs do you sing in the shower?

Any kind of songs.

53) Last thing that made you laugh?
Thing? Human being can or not? A youth who's got so embarrassed when I praised him for being able to cook Mutton Rendang.

54) Worst injury you’ve ever had?

I fell down in Macritchie during my Secondary 2 Cross Country Race and ended up with bloody elbows and knees. It was quite painful and I bathed with much difficulty.

55) Does someone have a crush on you?

What a good question. How would I know?

56) What’s your favorite candy?

I don't really like to eat candy. I usually eat them when I have a sudden urge for them.

57) What song do you want played at your funeral?

Haven't thought of it yet. A choral song which I have sang before might be good.

Off to do more boliao stuff... WEE~

Fever, the cute little WFT puppy.

My colleague's dog's daughter has created a blog. Please do show support by visiting her blog. She (Fever) will be very very happy. :)

Anyway, she's very concerned with herself being fat. But I thought she looked okay and in fact, pretty in the photoshoot. So I commented that she looked beautiful. And here's her response:

"today, someone left a comment to tell me i look beautiful. someone, somewhere, besides my ever supportive friends, pippin, butchy & snickers, actually appreciates my baby-fat look! fat is beautiful. fat is cool! now bring in the cakes!"

-_-"

NIGHT HIKE!!!

I am all ready for a night's erm, wild activities! Woo!

We walked for quite a while in Macritchie and then proceeded for the horrifying, irritating and quiet Solo Walk.

Why did I say it's horrifying?

The path was dark and the only guide we have is the light sticks. I was freaked out. I think I saw things but I tried to tell myself that they are illusions. Of course I hope I am indeed imagining things because I do not want to know what is really there. I do not discount the possibility of the existence of the unknown but I have to stay strong and endure through it. Because I am a Social Worker. We have to show it to the youths that we can endure even if we're afraid, even if we have weaknesses.

Anyway, I just walked and walked, stumbled and stumbled. I almost fell down a few times because the walk was very rocky, not to mention long (especially for a scared freak like me).

One thing that got me a little pissed is that some volunteers think it's not tough enough. I think they should try walking the Solo Walk. I believe any strong or brave man will be somehow a little apprehensive about walking the Solo Walk, be it afraid of falling down or afraid of things happening to you or whatever. Even a male colleague of mine confessed a certain level of fear. Only one youth in my group said that he was happy for the Solo Walk. He's so cute. Well, that's an exception.

Next, the walk was irritating with the photographer snapping and snapping away happily. It's okay if you snap away at other people but sorry, I am not okay with you snapping at me at very funny timings when I look lost, scared or clumsy. The Solo Walk is scary enough and snapping suddenly (at a rocky point) is not very comforting to me. Well done, you photographer. You have made me irritated and pissed for the night. (And yes, so what if I am petty.) What's worse is that my colleague stepped into a puddle of water and her track shoe was already wet before the Canal Walk. Well done again, for shocking her with the flash. Actually my colleague seemed okay with it, but I was in a totally bad mood. That explains why I snapped/cursed the photographer.

(Another reason for being snappy is that my baobei2 fell down and hurt himself.) :( :( :(

Lastly, it was very quiet. I could hear myself breathe and as well as, hum songs. But I concentrated more on conquering the rocky paths more than singing.

The following pictures are all taken after the Solo Walk because before the Solo Walk, I was too preoccupied with the idea of going through the Solo Walk.

The pictures are blur, which is good, because it shows that we're walking. Muahahahahahaaa..

(Looks like I still need some rest.)

The railway track. This is a point where we're more than half-way through our whole hike.

Throughout the whole trip, there were things which I was unhappy about. I was unhappy with myself, unhappy with some people, and unhappy with some happenings. But I think I can ENDURE la.

The youths had done well by finishing and surviving the hike. They are wonderful! :D

P/S: Looking forward to one of the youth's Mutton Rendang!! Even though I don't eat mutton!

***

After the volunteers debrief and staff debrief, I went home and slept from 8am to 5pm. I have done enough exercise for the week!

Anybody believes that I jus knocked off half an hour ago?

I finally settled down after a hot bath. I think it's good that I am enjoying what I am doing or else this blog is going to be filled with complaints.

Needle and Thread Workshop was fine. I was so busy that I don't have time to take some pictures of the kids. Focus Group Discussion sit-in was pretty okay too. Parents and Teens Groupwork was a little rushed but still okay. The role-play will be better if we're more drama-mama. But, well, we shall train on our acting skills. Hahaha~

Tremandy, please don't ill-treat me tomorrow okay! I am your best partner!

*busy finding excuses*

Tomorrow's going to be our Night Hike, which will commence at 8pm. It will only end at 7am. This means that I am going to get another round of aging. But it'll be a "once-in-a-lifetime" experience again. I am supposed to do a solo-walk, which is a trail that we're going to walk alone in darkness. Boo. I really hate that even though I know I will survive through it. However, to think again, I think the youths will be more scared than me. Hohoho. Let's see tomorrow! :P

I shall blog on Sunday night again. I will be damn shagged on Saturday.

Swollen eye! :(

I woke up with a swollen eye which developed from a little pain feeling since the day before. I went all the way to NUS Health and Wellness Centre to see a doctor because IT IS FREE. Yes, suan me lor. I am poor what! Anyway, I got free eye drops and ointment. Sigh, I hope my eye recovers soon. I look tut wearing spectacles. :(

Back in office, I discussed my case session with my supervisor. It was a thoughtful process for me. Thereafter, I started typing my case report. I have the feeling that my assessment is inadequate. This idea has been haunting me for the whole day. Sigh.

I decided to give myself a break and help out in preparing the items for tomorrow's Children's Workshop- Needle and Thread Workshop.

These are my colleagues preparing the materials.

Stunned Christine, hardworking Diana and happy Bessey.

All of them are camera-shy. Tsk tsk tsk.

GOTCHA!

A sample done by me! :D

Nice hor? Okay, I got to rest my eyes soon. Take care people!

Music Meme.

Instructions: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. NO CHEATING.

How does the world see me?
Loving You by Ken Hirai
Woo-hoo-hoo. His voice damn sexy sia! Out of point~ What does this mean? Does this mean that the whole world loves me? I am glad to be able to think that way. Heh.

Will I have a happy life?

What can I do by 南拳妈妈.

Shit. Sounds helpless!! This means that I won't have a happy life? Actually it can mean the other way, that is, "What can I do? My life is just so blissful~"

What do my friends really think of me?
Gravity of 我叫金三顺 OST!
My friends think that I am heavy! :S

Do people secretly lust after me?
Ave Maria of Stairway to Heaven OST
I don't think so.

How can I make myself happy?
莫斯科没有眼泪 by Twins.
Errrr, I think I shall skip this question.

What should I do with my life?
音浪 by 黄立行
跟著音浪一起流動... 怎麼撞也不痛　站不住　音浪一直撞　就跟著流動讓自己爽..
Yeah, so I should 讓自己爽~

Will I ever have children?
创世纪 by 刘耕宏
I don't think so. This is a pretty sad song.

What is some good advice for me?
Tears To Shed of Corpse Bride OST
If you cut me with a knife, it's still the same... I know that I am dead... It seems to me that I still have tears to shed...
Huh? Cry more?

How will I be remembered?
My Boo by Usher.
Er-hem.

What is my signature dancing song?
记得 by 张惠妹
Huh?

What do I think my current theme song is?
Summer Girls by LFO.
That's like my favourite song during secondary school!!! So outdated song liao. Neh.

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
有你多好 by 蔡淳佳
No, I am not in need of anyone now.

What song will play at my funeral?
热带雨林 by S.H.E.
SIAO! Play this during funeral?!?! I want people to sing the songs I sang during choir days for me.

What type of men/women do I like?
It's tearing up my heart by N'Sync
And no matter what I do, I feel the pain, with or without you....
Shows that I should stay not like any man or woman. Heh.

What is my day going to be like?
勾勾手（爱的掌门人 ending theme song）by 郭美美
今天的自由是一道彩虹...
Yeah, something positive! :D

Copied from Joan's blog.

Is this too cute for a 20 year old?

My eldest brother is in Taiwan and I asked him to help me look out for handbags. He found this and thinks that it's nice but I find it a little too........




... cute for me. :S

What do you all think?

GP Groupwork- Peer Pressure.

Posters the youths came up with:Youths building the tower. It is supposed to withstand "peer pressure". Youths from other groups can try their best to topple the tower by blowing. If the tower remains intact after blowing, it shows that they can withstand pressure too! The other two towers made by the other youths. There was also role play of peer pressure by the youths themselves. In addition, we played a game whereby people who did not choose a majority's answer will have stickers sticked on their faces. Blah. I am a truthful girl and I ended up with a lot of stickers on my face.