Trotting across Tokyo! :)

It's been an entire year since I travelled!!!

 Mutekiya ramen! (At Ikebukuro)

 Ikebukuro Station.

 Shinjuku Garden.

 Tokyo Tower and its transparent glass panel!

 Asakusa.

 Sushi keychains?!

 Shibuya at night.

 Meiji Shrine.

 Harajuku style.

 I tried so hard to resist from buying this...

 Meeting up with Jane! Love our coffee sessions.

 Sugamo- old ladies' Harajuku!

Akihabara and its unique culture.

Ebisu Garden Place!

Lovely and quiet place!

Kawaii Japanese kids whom the parents conveniently cut them off from my photo. :(

Last minute shopping. Love the good quality dresses there!!! :))

Bread and butter #476 (Just a process of polishing the diamond...)

Tuesday's examination meant more than just an examination. It's a professional and personal milestone. It's a showcase of my client's strengths and efforts. It's a compilation of the potential therapeutic possibilities in my SW journey. :')

提升水準的時候來了！ ：）

面對逆境，讓自己安靜下來，抱著感恩的心境 ，

想這是提升水準的時候，試煉又來了，而不是折磨。

(from: https://www.facebook.com/mogan.shopping)

Bread and butter #475 (5 years of Social Work and counting...)

Bread and butter #474 (Small group closure once more!)

As nature of mock exam was adjusted, we had one more week of small group time and that means... YEAH!!! More practice, more time with team mates, more time for more connecting moments.
We didn't eat hakka food and duck rice as planned. We ended our day early and Elijah could have an earlier rest. The only thing that happened according to our plans was that we had gongcha, but that was nonetheless different as well because Elijah gave us a treat.
I am two weeks away from my exams, and I just (yes only just!) selected my 3 minutes segment for my clinical presentation. During university days, I chose my major only when I was in Semester 2 of Year 2. During my practice as a Social Worker, I only conducted an assembly talk and took up a case with emotional troubles after 3-4 years of direct practice. There is just this thing between me and delays and/or slowness.
No right or wrong. But at least after every slow (and perhaps scary) moment of life, I find myself balancing and slowly finding my way and being more aware of where I want or can move towards.
At the same time, I want to remain tentative, stay with the present, and be curious about the future- Who knows what will happen along the way...
Many thanks to those who have been supporting me in this journey through individual unique ways. :)

Macaroons-making!

Bread and butter #473 (Mini group closure :')

Bread and butter #472 (Mini group closure :')

尽在不言中。

Bread and butter #471 (Heartfelt gratitude.)

No words can better describe how I feel now... :')

SW pals :)

Good Friday with them. Really good. :)

The smallest things.

Sometimes I share the smallest or most mundane thoughts and feelings with you guys, because I treat you guys as good friends, and I trust that I won't be judged no matter what I say or do. It's not that I've nothing better to do or worry about. I've got tonnes of things to do, just like anybody else.

Having to think through before I talk is something I do in my professional work, but perhaps in personal life, I need to beef up that aspect as well. But I just wonder if being friends do include the need of packaging words or behaviour in a certain way. Is that still being genuine? I know we don't hurt our friends with insensitive remarks, but is there a need to dismiss a random thought just because you have a deeper or more meaningful thought than I did?

I suck at waffle-lizing myself, but I will try it. Waffles with icecream. Yums! :)

Carry on (Cover by Madilyn Bailey & friends)

Wonderful covers that I enjoy as I work... some of them are moving, some are energy-giving, others just accompany me through my day! :)

Madilyn Bailey's Cover- Stay

Great companion as I type my Counselling Position Paper II. This week is gonna be another mad rush. I will survive..........

Relaxing Saturday Evening... :)

I know how it feels...

You know, I know how it feels like to not feel belonged. It's a scary feeling.

You are in the clique. You are in the Whatsapp Group. You are included for social gatherings. But most of the time, you don't feel that your presence made a difference.

You feel that everyone else is concerned about each other except you. Yes, there are rare moments when you feel cared for, but they are so rare that the lonely moments are more overpowering. And that's a lonely feeling to feel.

You need to still conform to social norms, pretend that you are not affected, pretend that you are okay when you are lonely, because alternative behaviour will push them more apart from yourself. And the last thing you want to feel is to feel more alone.

They don't really understand you, and they don't affirm your words and thoughts as well. They just don't know what to do with you. They leave you alone. Makes you wonder if you are really so not well-liked. "Is there something wrong with me?"

But you still try your very best to appreciate those nurturing and heartwarming moments that you have with them, hoping that all these can help yourself feel okay about the relationships. But you know things will never be the same again. You try to keep the relationships alive by putting your heart and soul into it, but somehow you don't feel they reciprocate at the same level as you.

Everyone yearns to feel belonged. Everyone yearns to be cared for. It is the time when you allow one in your life to doubt your genuine care and concern that stabs one right in the heart and lose faith altogether. In you and in oneself.

Counting my blessings, daily.

We Are Young.

Totally love this! :)

Chill Sunday- so looking forward to more chilling moments in the next few months.

Stay strong amidst the challenges, Miss Koh!!!

Bread and butter #470 (Excitement.)

Going to take up a challenging task at work and had so many questions in my head. Interestingly, yesterday i came across a photo i took about another challenging task years ago.. I was quite clueless and was feeling extremely scared then. But now I realise I have already overcome my feelings and completed the task successfully. Therefore, the upcoming challenging task will be okay. Everything will turn out ok. :)

For the next 6 weeks, I must keep calm and carry on.

Injury-prone.

Ouch. This is my Valentine's Day gift this year- reminder to take slower steps in life.

I am grateful that these are superficial injuries, not those serious and inner injuries. This is something that I always bear in mind and appreciate after I finished my first aid course.

跌倒不用紧，最重要的是要懂得爬起来。

Update on 15 February: Thank you Sharon, Yani, Yujie, and Zhumei for your concern!

Bread and butter #469 (Amazing Talking Cure.)

Had my last Professional Development session yesterday, and it was a therapeutic one indeed. The common factor, i.e. the therapeutic alliance, can be so therapeutic on its own. As I crossed my halfway mark in my Graduate Diploma in Counselling Practice, I continue to marvel about the usefulness of counselling and the high (and low) points of therapy. I feel comforted as a professional and as a person when my client is able to verbalise that he or she is feeling a "lighter burden" after speaking with me. And when I go through PD myself, I can feel that same feeling too. I will continue to persevere in this journey of self-discovery and guiding my clients in it too. :)

For those who are curious about counselling:
www.talkingcure.com
http://heartandsoulofchange.com/

Bread and butter #468 (CCC Boy and Girls!)

Dedicating this song to my supervision group, made up of Yingyan, Jiwen, Joanne, Esther and Eric. "We don't even have to try- it's always a good time"! :)

If I were to be...

A girlfriend, I will try my best to be the sweetest girlfriend ever.

A wife, I will love my husband and be his best friend cum soul mate.

A mother, I will try my best to not let my children doubt my love for them.

A grandmother, I will be of an assuring adult figure like how my grandmother was for me when she was still around.

If all else fails, I have my nurturing friends to hang on to, and to comfort my pain.

Bread and butter #467 (The boys, my inspiration.)

Thank you ACE! And thank you all the boys for bringing so much joy and laughter to me on the weekends when I went over to the football fields.. There's something that I didn't elaborate on stage- that is how important the joy and laughter was for me. Social Workers are humans and we have ups and downs in our lives too. When i felt really down, seeing all of you enjoying football and trying your very best to show positive character made me feel comforted and gave me a good reminder of why i decided to be a social worker since 5 years ago. Thank you, boys. Do you know you guys are, and can be an inspiration to others too? :)

Pre-2013 Insights

Some things just don't hurt that much anymore. I've gained insight and more calmness towards what didn't go my way, and am learning to treasure what actually went well or even okay... People change with times... their  level of importance changes with time as well. Everything will, sooner or later, be okay...

Auf wiedersehen.

Simple dinner with the mentors, and an exclusive tour around sky garden! Really hope all will be well for Stephanie as she settles into a new environment. 真的。天下无不散之筵席。Need to treasure the ones who are precious to me, and treasure the good bits and pieces of friendship, relationships and life.

Why can't humans be more direct?

I was angry. But I am writing this post now, with little anger but a lot of puzzlement.

Yesterday, a friend of mine told me that another friend of mine wants me to be careful when I walked in the rain. How come care and concern for someone is communicated in such a manner? Does communicating care and concern directly takes a lot of time and effort? What purpose does it serve when it is being communicated like that?

Then, later part of the day, someone told me that someone else asked her whether I am angry with someone else. Sure, perhaps I will hurl a few unkind words at someone else for doing something not-so-nice, but I am certain I can control my emotions well and not end up killing or emotionally abusing someone else. But how come that someone else can't clarify with me directly and had to ask someone (who has no need to know what went on) about it?

If you have a boyfriend, would you want me to say "I love you" to him on your behalf??

Seriously, if communication is more direct, things would be so much more straightforward. Less guesses, less doubts, less misunderstandings. Of course, communication has to be done in a respectful manner nonetheless.

On a serious studious sidenote, I am superbly interested to examine my FOO (Family of Origin) and attachment issues, and better understand how my self is being influenced and impacted, which affects how I respond to people and events. That perhaps will come after my exams in January, haa.

Greyson Chance- Waiting Outside The Lines

You'll never enjoy your life, 
Living inside the box 
You're so afraid of taking chances, 
How you gonna reach the top? 

Rules and regulations, 
Force you to play it safe 
Get rid of all the hesitation, 
It's time for you to seize the day

Instead of just sitting around 
And looking down on tomorrow 
You gotta let your feet off the ground, 
The time is now 

I'm waiting, waiting, just waiting, 
I'm waiting, waiting outside the lines 
Waiting outside the lines 
Waiting outside the lines 

Try to have no regrets 
Even if it's just tonight 
How you gonnna walk ahead 
If you keep living blind 

Stuck in the same position, 
You deserve so much more 
There's a whole world around us, 
Just waiting to be explored 

Instead of just sitting around 
And looking down on tomorrow 
You gotta let your feet off the ground, 
The time is now, just let it go 

The world will force you to smile 
I'm here to help you notice the rainbow 
Cause I know, What's in you is out there 

I'm waiting, waiting, just waiting, 
I'm waiting, waiting outside the lines 
Waiting outside the lines 
Waiting outside the lines 

I'm trying to be patient (I'm trying to be patient) 
The first step is the hardest (the hardest) 
I know you can make it, 
Go ahead and take it 

I'm waiting, waiting, just waiting 
I'm waiting I'm waiting, waiting, just waiting 
I'm waiting, waiting outside the lines 
Waiting outside the lines 
Waiting outside the lines 

You'll never enjoy your life 
Living inside the box 
You're so afraid of taking chances, 
How you gonna reach the top? 
---

Captivating and powerful vocals of a young boy, inspiring lyrics too. I wish these lyrics can inspire the young lads out there who have so much more potential to be uncovered. :')

Thank you.

Today's Happy Thoughts: "Be happy for the friends and family that you are surrounded by. In times of toughness, they will be there for you when you need them the most. Life is not something you have to go through alone, but rather should be experienced with loved ones closest to you." 

 Recently, I "liked" a page on Facebook known as "Happy Thoughts". I was pretty skeptical that it will make any difference in my life, but nonetheless I still "liked" it because I hope to brighten up my life in any ways that I can find.

As time passes by and as I heal from my personal struggle, occasionally I like to read the "Happy Thoughts" and I would share with my students or ponder it all my myself.

Almost one year of struggle. I don't think I am fully recovered, but I think things are slightly better especially with my Therapeutic Mondays coming along.

Sometimes as we fall into deep shit holes, we try our utmost best to ask for help. Some people look at you and walk away. Some people pity you and tell you to accept your fate. Some people don't even bother taking a look at you. Even if you scream or shout or cry.

But the greatest thing about falling into deep shit holes is that you will really know who are the ones whom you can count on, and who are the ones who are able to stay consistently and patiently with you, despite you having weird behaviors or saying weird things. Those people stay with me by the shit hole, they don't make me feel alone, they continuously encourage me, and I never have to worry if they will leave me behind. 

Thank you.

Bread and butter #466 (My Much-Treasured Therapeutic Mondays.)

It has been a really meaningful journey for me to embark on my Graduate Diploma in Counselling Practice. Originally it started off as a compulsory self-improvement goal, but now it's gradually becoming a self-encouraging and self-discovery journey. Now on top of that, I have a group made up of members who are supportive and protective of my learning journey. I am feeling very glad and comforted, and also fortunate to have my buddy with me and to have a nice and humorous supervisor.

I am almost halfway through my course now. Although work has been piling for me due to my 4-day working weeks, I am really enjoying my course (and its company) and I sincerely feel that it's going to be worthy. Have a strong feeling that I will sorely miss my Therapeutic Mondays in the future, so I am going to soak myself in my Mondays, learn all I can and enjoy the classes as much as I can.

Clinical and book review next! :)

Standstill...

As I hear people talking about moving on in life, moving on to the different lifestages... I wonder what's in store for me in life. I wonder if I am actually making teeny weeny bits of progress. I yearn for more excitement, more challenges, more changes... or perhaps not?

Lesson #1: The start of the Graceful Fall.

Almost one year has passed. Others might be better than me, there might be a panel judging and assessing my capability.. But I will protect my dream. I will stand up again and walk on bravely to pursue my dream.

Standstill... Or perhaps not.

Sometimes when certain part of your life comes to a standstill, you wonder if you are drifting apart from the rest who are moving ahead with life.

You are happy for them, but you wonder why you are at a standstill. You struggle with liking or disliking or ignoring or trying to live harmoniously with the standstill.

If you could feel for what I write, do drop me a message or call me up for a chat. I would really love to have quality chats with dear friends too. Just that the number of dear friends whom I can chat carefreely with are dropping, and I really wonder who is going to be ready to be there to just listen, understand and not judge...

戏如人生。

Recently, I've been watching a Hong Kong drama serial, On Call 36 Hours. I like how some of the statements by the characters strike me, and how real the scenes could be.

Then it further striked me because the content is so close to my heart. Last Monday, we talked about grieving in class and I finally got the time, space and opportunity to grieve over someone whom I haven't been able to grieve about for unknown reasons. That particular night, someone died in the drama and grieving was involved. I reflected and deeply felt that grief is a necessary process, and should be a process that is honoured.

On Thursday, I went swimming and at night I felt a sudden pain in my back and I was unable to move around without feeling the pain. I did not push myself extra hard when I swim, thus not knowing why my back hurts made me a little paranoid. And in the episode that particular night, the female lead found out that she has a tumor in her back, or spinal cord I think. Operation has a high level of risk and may result in paralysis of lower body. At that moment I start to wonder again if I will pass away one day suddenly, and how will others react if I were to be gone.

I know I might be progressing really fast in the human lifecycle stages of development, mentally. But nothing is impossible. At the end of the day, I might not be able to achieve what I want to achieve, I might not be able to get what I want to get, I might not be able to say what I want to say...

So if I were to die any time, I might not have become a senior social worker, I might not receive any recognition, programmes and cases will still go on without much impact because no one is indispensable. I might not have gotten married, I might not have given birth to 4 children as expected by our youth. I might not have travelled adequately around the world.

But at least I had a gathering with the CJ 2012 Boys. At least I took photos of our boys being champions on the field (and they are happy having their photos taken)! At least I tried my best in my work with my clients. At least I am willing to learn and upgrade myself by going for my Graduate Diploma. At least there are some students and parents who recognised my efforts and find my service beneficial. And at least I can connect well with some of my students. And, at least, I enjoyed my work.... 尽力就好吧...!

Bread and butter #465 (And I love my Saturday so...)

No words can describe how happy I feel to be on the field, taking snapshots of the boys and cheering for them. Simple day of clearing work and spending time with the kids whom I have been wanting to spend some time with... Reminds me of the essence of my passion and why I am doing what I have been doing for the past 5 years. I am willing to try to make any kind of difference.

New Theories

1) If a person really loves you, he/ she wouldn't make you doubt yourself and become miserable. So we should stop feeling miserable for the wrong people.

2) Learn to see the bad and the good... I might have went back to office on Saturday and Sunday thinking that I need to clear certain work but actually they are not due this week, but at least I finished those work and make this week less packed.

Wow, me and my powerful Mondays :)

Late-August thoughts...

Can't wait for 31st August!!! PD, day off, relax, and meet up with one of my favourite buddies, Jacqueline! =)

Sometimes I wonder if it's good that things turn out to be in a certain way so that I won't 殃及池鱼... but I don't have the answer. Really need a break from everything. Really just want to be comfortable with myself. Perhaps hopefully can find a place of respite of my own...

Thank you to the Deutschland 2013 gang for giving a virtual group hug yesterday. Much appreciated as days were getting more and more exhausting, and at the end of the day, you welcome any kind of encouragement or kind words because it makes your day slightly sweeter despite all the bitterness. =)


 I will try to cope better, enjoy better, and look forward to the bigger dreams ahead! Einfach weitergehen!

Posting some pretty photos taken at Botanic Garden on Monday! Thanks to the photographers and the good cameras! I got to buy a new camera for myself before my next adventure! And hopefully a Polaroid camera too! =)

Yeah, it's amazing how looking at nice photos can make us feel slightly better...

咳...

敌不过，也斗不过。
老天，请放过我吧。

Bread and butter #464 (Therapeutic Mondays.)

"Values and beliefs probably can't be changed that easily... But are we able to respond in a manner so as to maintain harmony?"

I love how my therapeutic Mondays help me not just professionally, but personally as well. 我会认真学习的! :)

Happy long weekend! :)

The mandatory long weekend break was surprisingly relaxing and enjoyable. And even if it may sound very shallow, I really enjoyed the shopping!!! Not sure if it's bad, but I curb a lot of shopping in Singapore and I tend to splurge overseas. Most of my buys are good buys. It's short term happiness, perhaps... But I don't care man- as long as I am happy!

Counting my blessings.

There are two random persons whom I want to thank: a facial lady and my Chinese doctor.

Just being themselves and attending to me when I was at my lowest point in life. I couldn't appreciate more. It's amazing how human touch can be so warm, inspiring and heartening.

The facial lady (I can't remember her name) is a Malaysian who travels daily to Singapore for work. She doesn't hard sell the products, she does her work responsibly, and she senses her clients well. There was once she noticed that I was so tensed and stressed that she gave me a very good backrub to help me feel better. The other facial ladies just squeeze your shoulders a little and end off the session haphazardly, but she doesn't. Maybe she could sense that I was troubled. She shared with me briefly about her past and how she overcome her difficulties and how she thinks lesser nowadays and just aims to be happy everyday. I am heartened by her sharing even though I don't know her personally.

Next my Chinese doctor. He's like a nurturing father, who doesn't nag at my bad habits too much and is encouraging and caring. As he was taking my pulse (I guess he could sense my irregular pulse), he asked me if I am feeling alright and if everything is okay. Advised me to take things easy too. Simple words about life, which some people can't be bothered to tell me patiently and wait for me to understand at my own pace.

I guess I really appreciate these two random persons in my life because such nice people are hard to come by. It's surprising how strangers and random people can influence us positively... Which is why I wanted to tell the sad lady on the train, whom I met some time ago, to take care. You never know how important your little words and actions could be for others.

(Of course, this is on top of the important persons whom I should have thanked personally/ via email by now.)

Looking forward to more cheer and joy.

撑下去。

我一定要撑下去。我一定能撑过重重难关。我一定能够更坚强。小朋友们经历的比我多，但都能撑过去。我一定要做个好榜样，比他们更坚强...不要让别人有机会看不起我!

Bread and butter #463 (5 year mark.)

I love social work. I love being a social worker. This is more than just bread and butter. This is my profession.

Social Work- My Colourful Profession :)))))

When I obviously can't reject you...

It's been a long while since I've been critical about issues, due to my superbly tight schedule as well as my higher level of resilience (hahaha). But there's this weird trend going on in my life that I feel confused and clueless about... Why do people like to ask questions that are hard to say no to?

This is especially so for social gatherings. I seriously hate it when people ask me such questions:

"Can I bring along my boyfriend?"

"Can I bring along my sister?"

"Can I bring along a friend?"

I am not a jealous sadist woman who wants all my friends to be single or have no friends at all, but when I ask to meet you, I seriously want to meet JUST YOU.

I would be happy for my friends if they find themselves a wonderful partner, but I am not their mother-in-law and I don't have to meet their life partners. I am also not a kopitiam ah-soh who wishes to know everything, and I prefer to spend time only with people whom I love because my time is superbly precious. I have the right to choose who I want to spend my time with, don't I?

I may be a forthcoming person, but I am not rude. So if you ask me if you can bring along another person for a gathering, I probably will say OK to it. But if I have a choice, I definitely won't say yes.

There is more to it...

我要做个自由自在，没有脚的小鸟。在对的时间，对的地点，为对的人停下脚步。在那时刻来临之前，我要放纵自己做喜欢做的事。因为人生只有一次。

Ich vermisse...

I miss Herr und Frau Sagemann... :(

How much longer do I have to wait to fly to Muenster? :(

Reminder for self: MUST type an email for Herr Sagemann after I finished my big hurdle in June, and before I begin another hurdle again in July!

Goodbye Baby<3

Personal milestone met, half a year earlier than planned! :)

Second milestone, here I come!!!

Ridiculed.

I feel like I've been ridiculed. DUH.

露宿街头。

因为引擎抛锚，所以息了火，踏出车外，往荒野的郊外走去。

郊外风光明媚，不过充满荆棘。刺得我好痛好痛。放了好多胶布，不过都没用。血一直流。

很想找个安全港，躲起来。不过，怎么找也找不到。找不到安全港，找不到胶布，找不到修车师傅。

好累。车还能修吗？

Japan, December 2011

Been too absorbed in silly things, that I forgot to blog about my happy trip last December! Here are some highlights from the trip with Theresa and Peiyi! =)

Shirakawago- A World Heritage Site, with unique Gassho-style houses! Very good recommendation by Peiyi!

Harajuku on Sunday (my last entire day in Japan). I didn't have enough money to splurge on shopping!!! It's my favourite shopping area (for now)!!!

Nice home-cooked food by our host in Shirakawago. And after this photo, we took off our yakatas and just ate and ate... =P

And we engaged in Luggage-carrying Competitions!

Us in our Japanese-style room, in yukatas again. We were supposed to look for Miss Mount Fuji the next day, I think. And the preserved scallops in the shop downstairs are yummy!

Other than the possible radioactivity that we were exposing ourselves to, and the weird Japanese (usually men) who like to squeeze into trains and make us feel like tuna, Japan is a wonderful place with wonderful food and sweets and sights. I will definitely go back again! =)