I know how it feels...

You know, I know how it feels like to not feel belonged. It's a scary feeling.

You are in the clique. You are in the Whatsapp Group. You are included for social gatherings. But most of the time, you don't feel that your presence made a difference.

You feel that everyone else is concerned about each other except you. Yes, there are rare moments when you feel cared for, but they are so rare that the lonely moments are more overpowering. And that's a lonely feeling to feel.

You need to still conform to social norms, pretend that you are not affected, pretend that you are okay when you are lonely, because alternative behaviour will push them more apart from yourself. And the last thing you want to feel is to feel more alone.

They don't really understand you, and they don't affirm your words and thoughts as well. They just don't know what to do with you. They leave you alone. Makes you wonder if you are really so not well-liked. "Is there something wrong with me?"

But you still try your very best to appreciate those nurturing and heartwarming moments that you have with them, hoping that all these can help yourself feel okay about the relationships. But you know things will never be the same again. You try to keep the relationships alive by putting your heart and soul into it, but somehow you don't feel they reciprocate at the same level as you.

Everyone yearns to feel belonged. Everyone yearns to be cared for. It is the time when you allow one in your life to doubt your genuine care and concern that stabs one right in the heart and lose faith altogether. In you and in oneself.

Counting my blessings, daily.