Believe it or not, I was emotionally calm and stable way before and right before Night Hike starts. I have this inner belief that everything will go well, and no matter what happens, we will be able to handle it well. And I really look forward to seeing my kids in action.
However, it didn't start off well. My boy had poor time management, and was late and uncontactable while my colleague was waiting for his grand arrival. He was unable to explain himself well, and I seriously suspect that he's trying to get away from this. What's with this attitude?! The reporting time was 7.50pm, and up till 8.50pm, he has not reached yet. Not a single call from him, not a single SMS too. It was me, who kept calling and kept asking. I seem to be more anxious than him for him to pass GP. Sometimes I really don't understand why we're more worried for them than they are worried for themselves.
Despite numerous warnings to be respectful to the unknown, there was a boy who didn't care. I wonder why he's playing a fool, and I wonder if he knows what he's dealing with. He does not seem to have an idea of what he's doing, and the consequences of his actions... despite all the advice that the Social Workers have been giving. I wonder how long he will take to get into trouble again.
Also, I'm pretty much disappointed in some youths who displayed poor tolerance, poor sportsmanship, and poor respect... for even the Social Workers. Egocentrism stood out when the youths kept complaining and complaining about their own tiredness and started to forget their mannerisms and basic respect. And to think that others, including the Social Workers, walked through the same distance with them. I'm really thankful that a few girls did not complain at all, and were pretty calm and cool throughout the whole hike. At least I don't have to worry for them.
I wonder what's their difficulty in observing rules and regulations of GP groupwork. They're stated in black and white since session 1, and yet there will be some of them who will break the rules purposely... trying to test our patience. I hate to be the bad guy- to keep giving warnings and to be stern at them. After all, I still want to build a certain level of rapport with them. Yet, they were testing waters towards the end of the hike- calling me names, being very rude and disrespectful, throwing vulgarities as and when they like. What are rules to them? Is it really that necessary to test the waters and try to break the rules one by one?
I'm sorry I have to be stern. I can't bring myself to be gentle, angelic and ever-understanding. I can feel the strain in me when I am incongruent and not doing and saying what I mean. I can feel a strain in me also when I am really angry, but I have to swallow that anger due to my professional responsibilities.
And it doesn't help at all when I kept hearing negative comments everywhere I go. Negative comments add on to the stress level and of course, we don't and won't feel good. I'm sure, to cheer for ourselves is way better than to whine and worry, eh?
There's just some things that I can't and won't understand... I shall not attempt to understand. Guess it will take a lot of patience and time for me to be able to digest it.
I must thank the experienced volunteers (old ginger!) for their help, and Benjamin and Seng Meng who stayed calm and cool throughout the whole hike. Reminds me of my attachment days when they will always assure me that nothing will go wrong, and even if something goes wrong, we'll survive... that is always an important element of our work, which tends to be over-used, yet when used appropriately and timely, it'll act as a magic potion and give strength to those who believe in it... and I guess, that has already became a part of me...
Thanks to those who always believe in me.
