Journal of a budding social worker #12 (Closure for Advanced Placement and loads of emotions.)

Firstly, this took place in school, so I am not quite sure whether I should classify it under "Journal of a budding social worker" or "My Undergraduate Days ". But I've decided on the former, because I feel that it's only appropriate to express my feelings with regards to my social work lessons under that heading.

The Advanced Placement class. There are 19 of us.

Today was the last round of case presentations, and my emotions got to a high.

Personally, in my 21 years of existence, I've always have a rather low self-esteem. I mean, I could feel that I am not the cream of the crop (although I am now an undergraduate). I can really feel my inadequacy in applying theories, and I am quite guilty of not being able to apply them properly after three years of social work. Felt really bad when I recalled that my presentation was like, huh, rubbish?

Like what Rachel said, this semester is the semester (that she had learned the most about social work). For me, I could feel the passion growing within me. Although I am not sure about my knowledge of social work, the growing passion has indeed confirmed my feelings that this is THE SEMESTER. Perhaps, it's also a result of me taking four social work modules at the same time. This is the most shiong (meaning heavy workload) semester I had, I think. Usually social work modules are shiong if we take three of them in a row. Four SW modules in this semester have made me felt like a social worker in a vigorous learning process.

If I were to use Strengths Perspective on myself, I would say that my brain is always slower than others but at least I have the courage to stand up after I fall down. I have the courage to try to walk after I sprain my ankle. My never-say-die spirit will probably help me a lot. To be honest, I am really slower in learning than others, and that's going to be a big worry for me in a few weeks time when we're going to write social reports for our examinations. Ahhh, but I have to keep reminding myself to be more positive. It's so tough.

And when the tough part comes, I think of the support I always get-from my supervisors, my colleagues, my SW fellow classmates, limited number of friends who really appreciate my passion in social work, I really really feel very much loved and appreciated. It's only when I sit down and really reflect, that I realise. (Although most of the time, I would complain that people don't appreciate me. Well, internal struggles do keep coming my way...)

I could say that I love social work. I love the way it makes me grow. (And it's obvious growings that I notice in myself.) I love the way I can be a part of other people's lives. I love to interact with people. I love to share. I love to learn from people and most importantly, learn and grow together with them. Could really feel the meaning of life behind social work.

Different people will have different outlook in their lives, because they find meaning in different things. And I think, this is the outlook for me-the social work outlook.

Seldom do we see passion glowing in teachers with regards to what they teach. Dr Nair, is one of the very few teachers who take pride in what they teach. Other than being charismatic, she is able to move students' hearts and impart skills and knowledge to her students. The effort she puts into the modules she teach is evident, and students benefit and learn a lot from her teachings. I believe this is what students need- a inspiring and dedicated teacher. Personally, I have been very inspired by her and is very happy to be her student.

"...I'm glad in some small way that I have fuelled your interest and passion but this tells me more about you than me..."

Thank you, Dr Sudha Nair, for being the first person to inspire me in this social work journey. And I am thankful to others who support this journey of mine too. I really really appreciate it.